A Guide to Surviving Your First WH40K Party

So you’re heading to a party where there will be Warhammer 40,000 gamers, and you want to blend in without looking like a complete novice who thinks a Space Marine is just a really buff Navy SEAL. Smart move. Nothing kills a conversation faster than asking if the Ultramarines are the good guys (spoiler: there are no good guys).

Here’s your crash course in grimdark survival.

The Essential Elevator Pitch

Warhammer 40K is what happens when you take every dystopian science fiction trope, crank them to eleven, then break off the dial and throw it into a black hole. It’s the year 40,000, humanity spans the galaxy under a fascist theocracy called the Imperium, and literally everything wants to kill you. The immortal God-Emperor sits on a golden toilet throne, barely alive but psychically protecting humanity from demons, aliens, and Tuesday.

Think 1984 meets Starship Troopers with a dash of Event Horizon, but everyone’s British and really into skulls as interior decorating.

Know Your Factions (The Cliff Notes Version)

Space Marines: Eight-foot-tall genetically enhanced super-soldiers who worship the Emperor like a deity. They’re the poster boys of 40K, and yes, they’re technically fascists. Popular chapters include the Ultramarines (boring but competent), Blood Angels (vampire marines with daddy issues), and Space Wolves (viking werewolves who drink a lot).

Imperial Guard/Astra Militarum: Regular humans armed with flashlights (lasguns) and cardboard armor (flak vests), dying by the millions so the Space Marines can look cool. Think Saving Private Ryan but in space and with a 95% casualty rate.

Chaos Space Marines: What happens when Space Marines have a midlife crisis and decide to worship interdimensional torture gods. They’re basically the same as regular Space Marines but with more spikes, less sanity, and significantly worse dental hygiene.

Orks: Green fungus aliens who believe painting things red makes them go faster (and it actually works because their collective belief warps reality). They’re essentially football hooligans who’ve discovered space travel and automatic weapons.

Tyranids: Space locusts that devour entire planets. Imagine if the aliens from Starship Troopers had a baby with the thing from The Thing, then fed it nothing but protein powder and existential dread.

Necrons: Ancient robot skeletons who went to sleep for 60 million years and woke up cranky to find the galaxy full of noisy organic life. They’re basically space Terminators with Egyptian aesthetics and serious attitude problems.

The Sacred Memes and References

Learn these, and you’ll sound like you’ve been rolling dice since the Horus Heresy:

• “For the Emperor!” – The go-to human battle cry. Works in almost any context.
• “Blood for the Blood God! Skulls for the Skull Throne!” – Khorne Chaos chant. Don’t say this unless you want to explain Chaos theology for twenty minutes.
• “WAAAGH!” – Ork war cry. Acceptable to shout this when excited about anything.
• “The Emperor protects” – Standard Imperial response to literally any problem.
• Complaining about Games Workshop’s prices – Universal bonding experience among all players.

Conversation Starters That Won’t Get You Purged

1. “What army do you play?” – The classic opener. Shows interest without revealing ignorance.
2. “How’s the painting going?” – Most 40K players spend more time painting than playing. This opens floodgates.
3. “Games Workshop’s prices are insane, right?” – Instant camaraderie. Everyone agrees.
4. “Which edition was your favorite?” – Prepare for a passionate dissertation on game mechanics.
5. “Have you read any of the novels?” – The Black Library has published hundreds of books. Someone will have opinions.

Dangerous Territory: What Not to Say

• “This seems like fascist propaganda” – It is, but it’s intentionally satirical. Probably.
• “That doesn’t make sense!” – It’s not supposed to.
• “Why is everything so grimdark?” – Because in the grim darkness of the far future, there is only war. Duh.
• “I prefer Star Wars/Star Trek” – Not inherently wrong, but read the room first.
• “Do Ultramarines get shore leave? Do they ever doff their armor and get frisky with the locals? How much does a smile-girl in Port Maw cost? Like what can you expect for a few throne gelt?” – Just… don’t go there. Don’t ask me how I know. 

The Lore Deep Dive (For Show-Offs)

If you want to impress, drop some deeper lore:

• The Emperor was once a shaman collective from ancient Earth
• The Horus Heresy was a civil war that nearly destroyed humanity
• Chaos Gods feed on emotions (Khorne=anger, Tzeentch=ambition, Nurgle=despair, Slaanesh=excess)
• Space Marines are technically child soldiers, recruited around age 10-14
• The Imperium is slowly dying, and the Emperor might actually be evil

Are You an Author? Here’s How You Can Contribute to the Conversation 

From a storytelling standpoint, 40K is brilliant because it’s unapologetically over-the-top. It takes the “turn it up to eleven” approach that many writers shy away from. Every faction is an extreme archetype pushed to its logical conclusion. The Imperium isn’t just authoritarian—it’s so fascist it makes 1984 look like a libertarian paradise.

This commitment to excess creates a universe where literally anything can happen because everything’s already so insane. Robot skeletons fighting space elves while mushroom aliens paint their guns red for extra dakka? Sure, why not.

The worldbuilding follows the “yes, and…” rule of improv. Space Marines are already superhuman? Yes, and some of them turn into vampires. The Emperor is psychic? Yes, and he’s kept alive by sacrificing a thousand people daily. It’s kitchen-sink science fantasy that somehow coheres through sheer audacity.

So lean into that. Remember, in WH40K “verisimilitude” is a four-letter word.

Survival Tips for the Evening

1. When in doubt, blame Chaos – It’s usually their fault anyway
2. Express sympathy for anyone’s painted army– Those tiny details are murder on the eyes
3. Ask about kitbashing and conversions – Shows you understand the hobby aspect
4. Nod knowingly when someone mentions “the meta” – Every game has one
5. Bring snacks – 40K games can last longer than actual wars

The Nuclear Option: Emergency Topics

If conversation lags, deploy these:

• “So… plastic vs. resin vs. metal models?”
• “What’s your take on Primaris Marines?”
• “Anyone play the video games?”
• “Thoughts on the recent lore changes?”
• “Which Dan Abnett book should I start with? Or is Sandy Mitchell better?”

Each of these will generate at least thirty-to-one-hundred-and-nineteen minutes of passionate discussion, buying you time to escape to the kitchen for more drinks.

Remember, 40K fans are generally enthusiastic about sharing their hobby. Show genuine interest, ask questions, and don’t take the grimdark too seriously. In a universe where hope is heresy and happiness is suspicious, a little self-aware humor goes a long way.

Now go forth and purge some xenos. For the Emperor!

Or don’t. The Emperor’s probably evil anyway.